Ring ring! ''Hello."
''Hi, it's me Ted. I need your help, come over now!"
"Ok i'm on my way."
Five minutes later Ed was at Ted's fixing his pipes. "Well Ted, I can't see anything wrong with your pipes but they're definitely not functioning properly. It looks like you will have to call in the big guns."
So ten minutes later Ted called Joe and Joe told him that a green seahorse swam in his pipes. Ted was in shock so to calm himself down he carefully smoked on a pipe. Ted opened his pipes and pulled out the green seahorse, Ted had a new pet named Ned.
I like the way you have incorporated the prompt words into your text. It is creative. Maybe next time you could use some interesting adjectives e.g. for describing your pet named Ned.
ReplyDeleteYou have used alliteration and added adverbs to improve the clarity of your message e.g. carefully smoked.
You have organised your writing so that it is easy to follow.
From 8CH: Southwell:http://room8ch.blogspot.co.nz/
this story was great I like the adjectives next time add paragraphs.
ReplyDelete